Without a doubt, the greatest blessing in my life is, and always will be my children.  No one has taught, challenged and motivated me more.  Although they do not intend to, my children cause me to recognize my flaws on a daily basis.  As odd as it sounds, this is a good thing.

I never dreamed that I would delight in the countless clichés my parents beat me over the head with regarding parenthood.  There’s an inexplicable comfort that comes from finally realizing your parents actually knew what they were talking about.  I see the things they told me manifesting in my own life.

Every aspect of my life has taken on new meaning since becoming a father almost six years ago.  I wake each day wanting to be better, in every way, than the day before.  I want to sacrifice so that my children won’t have to.  I want to learn so I can teach.  I want to love so they will know how.  I also want to fight so they’ll know that there’s a time for that too.  I want them to truly understand a father’s love and all it encompasses.

My children constantly give gifts they are unaware of.  The most important of these is understanding of unconditional, reciprocal love.  In the past, this concept was completely foreign to me.  I did not understand how someone could love me regardless of my faults, how many times I have and will screw up or how bad. My children have given me the understanding of what a true father is.  That understanding, in and of itself, has given my life definition.  I have attained something I thought to be unattainable and filled a hole that seemed an abyss.

Because of my children, I understand God as my Father and my worth as His child.  I understand love.  I know that God and love are inseparable and that He is inseparable from me.

My greatest hope is that my children will one day know the gift they have given me, and know it because someone has given the same gift to them.

I am extremely blessed to be surrounded by men who challenge me, reveal areas in which I need to improve, and who lead by example.

Recently, one of these men stated that he would rather be remembered for the things he was for, rather than the things he was against.

It sounds simple enough.  But when I really started to think about what that means and how that idea is conveyed to others, I quickly understood that it is anything but simple.

To oppose something requires very little of the opposing party.  The original idea is that of the advocate, which is being opposed.  In opposition, one simply rejects the proposal of another.  This may be an oversimplification, but I think it touches on what is essential.

A powerful, well-formulated opposition is, in fact, not an opposition at all.  It is more of a counter-punch to an idea which one disagrees with or rejects completely.  It relies on careful thought to account for its opposition while also requiring innovation to provide solutions to the problem at hand.

Most powerful, however, is an idea that creates, embraces, and is strengthened because of opposition.

I pray that my thoughts and my words convey careful thought, representing the things I am for, rather than rash reaction to the things I am against.

Thanks to my friend who unknowingly provided the rebuke I needed for this paradigm shift.

I must say I was pleasantly surprised at the turnout for our Tallahassee Tea Party.  About 3000 citizens showed up to exercise their right to freedom of speech and assembly.   Let this mark the beginning.  It’s time to take our country back.

It is quite possible that I am too young to remember a time when the sentiment in our country was as it is today.  If that’s the case, please forgive my transgression.

It seems that a growing number of restless citizens, myself included, have reached a boiling point.  Our government is out of control.  Either our politicians are incredibly naive, negligent and stupid, or they truly believe that this is the best they can do to protect our liberty.  Neither of these options is acceptable.

Our constitution has been trampled and our country is coming apart at the seams.

-Pause-
Before I digress into another of many doomsday scenarios crawling around my brain let me say this:  I still have hope.  I refuse to give up on the American spirit and the providence, which has brought us this far. Freedom is given by God, not by government.  America may be faded and tattered, but she is not finished.
-Resume-

Supposed public servants are attacking private citizens.  With no regard for the safety of AIG employees and their families, Congressional “leaders” are calling for witch hunts to single out executives who accepted legal bonuses, which were negotiated as part of their compensation.  Not only were the bonuses legal, but language was inserted into the Stimulus Bill to protect them (ask Chris Dodd).

Congress has once again misled the American people.  They have concocted another “Hey, look over there!” scheme to deflect the ire of their constituents.  It is orchestrated outrage, a smoke screen.

We all share the blame for our current situation, but government writes the laws that have enabled, if not encouraged such behavior (laws which don’t seem to apply to those who write them).

The Federal Reserve has printed 1 Trillion dollars out of thin air to buy up Treasuries and mortgage debt.  Essentially, we’re printing money to buy our own debt. The chart below speaks for itself.

Dollars in Circulation

This, of course, devalues our dollar further and pushes us closer to inflation (too much money, too few goods).

Meanwhile, the rest of the world is pushing for a global currency.

The coupling of these two things will result in the death of the dollar and massive inflation.  And that means Game Over America.  We’ll be pushing wheel barrows of money to buy a loaf of bread.  Don’t believe me?  See the Weimar Republic.  See Zimbabwe.

If you listen closely enough, you can hear whispers of civil unrest, sedition.  Really?!  Have we fallen this far?  If you think I’m crazy, visit a gun shop and listen to the conversation.  It may be the fringes of society that are whispering, but it’s out there and it’s getting louder.  Don’t think it can happen here?  It’s happened before.

It’s time for us to remember who we are; One Nation Under God.  Not under government, not under false idols, not under the rule of tyranny. Under God.

Enough is enough.  If you’ve been sleeping, wake up.  If you’re already awake, wake the person next to you.  If the person next to you is awake, get organized, mobilize and let’s take our country back.

Where is our beloved country headed?

If this latest stimulus, wait, my bad, “reinvestment” package and the insane rate at which our treasury is printing money are any indication, it’s nowhere good. Have we become so lazy that socialism isn’t so bad anymore? If that’s the case, why can’t we have an honest discussion about it? The only place I find people talking about what’s really happening is on evil <sarcasm> conservative talk radio and hate-mongering <sarcasm> FOX News. 

My friend Clayton Bell posted this a few months ago and I thought he sounded like a crazy separatist. Now I’m sort of thinking he was on to something. I certainly don’t like the hard left turn we have taken and I’m about ready to jump ship.

Maybe I’m alone, but I don’t trust politicians at all. They seem to ignore their constituents and act out of self-preservation. I’m pretty sure some of you feel the same way. What we’ve got here is disenfranchisement people and that’s not good.

Please, help me out. I’m tired of waking up every day and deeply caring about what’s going on in Washington. Every day!  I could just unplug, but that seems irresponsible. If we’re not informed and exercising our rights then we have no room to complain, right? We can’t ask questions if we don’t know what to ask or who to question.

Where are we headed? Are you okay with that? If not, how do you cope?

Let me begin by saying that this post is my most personal to date. It’s really more of a testimony than a blog entry. I haven’t shared this with many people, but I am compelled to tell the story and honored to share it with you.

This past Friday my youngest son Cade was four months old. We didn’t throw a party or anything to celebrate the day, and honestly, it was no different from any other day, which is a good thing. That sounds callused, but the truth is we celebrate Cade’s life every day. When he was born, we weren’t sure how long he would be here to celebrate with us.

He was a very active baby in the womb. Cade always let us know he was okay with what can only be explained as kick boxing in utero. My wife Adrienne carried him to full term and everything seemed fine when he was born at 3:30 AM on Tuesday, September 16, 2008. The labor was drawn out over a couple of days and was rough on Adrienne, but the birth itself went about as smoothly as one could expect. It only took a moment to realize something was wrong.

Cade’s eyes were open, but he wasn’t crying. He wasn’t breathing. Adrienne was exhausted from the labor and a little overwhelmed by the drugs. I can’t speak for her, but I don’t think she was fully aware of what was happening. I, on the other hand, was wide-awake. By outward appearance I probably looked calm and collected, I didn’t want to freak my wife out. Truthfully, I was anything but.

It was probably a good thing that the next hour or so was a whirlwind because I didn’t have much of a chance to think about what was going on around me. The NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit) team was in the room within a minute. They immediately began checking Cade. Soon they began breathing for him. After a while they moved him to the NICU. We were told this wasn’t unusual and that everything would be fine.  Adrienne and I remained in triage until we were checked in to the hospital. We went to our room not knowing what was wrong with our son. We really didn’t understand the severity of the situation, so we were able to get a couple of hours of broken sleep.

The following days provided more questions than answers. What we did know was that Cade’s lungs were not able to use the air he was breathing to deliver oxygen to his blood. The NICU doctors and nurses tried several rounds of treatment with little to no success. They couldn’t give us a diagnosis. Through my own research I was able to find a condition called Pulmonary Hypertension that seemed to fit. The condition can be fatal and also carries risks such as brain damage and hearing loss.

Cade’s condition was far from stable.  He would get better, then worse, then better and worse again. The doctors were beginning to consider moving us to another hospital where alternative treatment would be available. Helpless is not adequate to describe how Adrienne and I felt. All we could do was pray and love.

After several days of riding a roller coaster of emotion, I broke. I had spent another evening at the hospital with Adrienne and gone home to sleep. I walked into our bedroom to change for bed and it hit me. I couldn’t keep it together anymore. I fell to my knees and cried out to God. I needed Him. I couldn’t carry the load anymore and I needed God. I needed His comfort. I called out to Him and He answered in a way that I never expected.

I prayed for Cade and for our two older kids, Miles and Adelle. I prayed for Adrienne and myself and for our family. I prayed for God to give our son life and to ease the worry in my heart.  I thanked Him for the amazing people he had placed in our lives and the overwhelming support we had received.

When I finished praying I opened my Bible and was led to John 4:43-54. In this passage there are only four sentences of red text. In two of these four lines Jesus says, “Your son will live.”  I was floored. God was speaking to me, directly. It was as plain as it could be. God spoke to me. I know I shouldn’t be amazed because he promises such things.  But I still cannot find words to describe the feeling.  It’s hard to feel worthy of a miracle.

The next day the doctors advised us they would attempt another round of treatment. If Cade’s response was no different this time, we would begin the process of transferring to another facility.

The treatment took. It worked this time and his condition gradually improved over the next few days.

When all was said and done Cade had spent five days intubated, hooked up to a ventilator and basically unconscious because of the drugs he was on. He spent another few days under the assistance of various breathing devices and IVs. We took him home on Saturday, September 27.

Today, you’d never know he was ever anything other than the picture of health. He’s strong, he’s active and he’s beautiful.

Praise God.

This is Cade at 3 months.

Maybe it’s the sentiment of the season, but I am teeming with emotion this week. Rebuking myself from every direction and tearing up at the drop of a hat.

Naturally I put on the brick wall front we men are famous for, but my wife can tell you I am as weepy as an eight year old girl (no offense to eight year old girls).

To give you some idea of what I mean, here’s a list of things that have caused my eyes to well in the last few days:

• Blogs
  • FlowerDust.net by Anne Jackson  (I_wrote_this_just_for_you)

• Songs
  • Love is Here (Tenth Avenue North)
  • Lose My Soul (Toby Mac)
  • I’ll stop there
• Movies
  • The Nativity Story
• TV Shows
  • Jon & Kate Plus 8 (pathetic, I know)
  • Intervention (always a gut-wrencher)
• Videos
  • I’m watching you Dad (GodTube)

I don’t view this emotion as a weakness. In fact it gives me strength and passion. It is in these moments that I feel closest to God.

The reason for this sensitivity varies. It may be compassion or sadness. Or it may be that something is causing me to reflect inward and recognize my own inadequacies and short-falls.

Whatever the case may be I have grown to revel in this hyper emotion. I recognize that God is speaking to me directly and my heart overflows.

How do you hear God?

At the very core of my being is my faith.  Simply put, I love God and I need God.  That said, it hasn’t always been this way for me.  I am what many might call a late-bloomer.   I’m not ashamed of this, but it does mean that I am still very unrefined.

 

 Now that I’ve made excuses for myself, on to the topic of discussion.

 

 I am not one to treat the Bible like a buffet, meaning that I don’t put the things I like on my plate and reject the things I may find disagreeable.

 

The Old Testament gives concrete instructions on what we should give of our finances, i.e. the tithe or 10%.  The New Testament, from what I have found, does not use the tithe as a baseline for giving.  Nonetheless, the “tithe and offering” approach to giving seems, in my estimation, to be a great starting point.  That is to say, we give 10% of our income faithfully as our tithe.  Anything beyond that is considered an offering.

 

 For a great discussion on giving  CLICK HERE.

 

When I first began my walk with God, 10% of my paycheck seemed like an awful lot to me.  I was looking at it strictly from a numbers point of view.  As I have matured, my worldview has changed.  I believe I have grown to process things from a Godly perspective (at least that’s what I strive for).  Ten percent doesn’t seem like so much anymore.

 Because my life and finances were not built on biblical foundations, it has taken a while to get to a place where tithing is possible.  Well, let me qualify that.  I could have rearranged my finances and paid penalties to get out of term contracts, but I didn’t.  Maybe I deserve some rebuke for that.  I accept it.

 My wife and I have made a pledge to begin tithing faithfully in 2009.  God has put this on our heart and we are elated to have reached this point in our faith.  So I am excited about eliminating another ungodly behavior from my life, while being ashamed of robbing God for so long (Malachi 3:8).

 

What is your opinion of the tithe?  Is this a wacky Christian practice or is it divine instruction?

I can’t tell you how much easier it would be to shop for my wife if she only found technology and gadgets as fascinating as I do.  It is beyond my understanding how any person is not awe-struck by an iPhone.

Maybe I’m alone in this, but just in case, here’s a little video warning of potential consequences for thoughless gift giving.

Men, you have been warned.

Ever feel like you don’t fall in line with the average cat in your demographic?

I think I share a similar sense of fashion, music, humor, etc. with a lot of people my age.  I am intrigued by technology and do my best to keep up with the latest.  Although I’m probably not considered cool by a teenagers standard, I like to think I have at least a slight ability to relate and associate with the youngsters.

In contrast,  my world view would likely be categorized in a different group entirely.  Pop culture does not appeal to me.  In fact it repulses me more than not.  I consider myself conservative with a hint of liberal, but my dad who is 60+ has said I may be more conservative than he is.  Perhaps I should revise my concept of self.

It seems at times that I have a conflict of interest with myself.  Here’s a quick illustration of what I mean:

I have a love/hate relationship with South Park.  I love it that no one is safe from ridicule by Trey Parker and Matt Stone.  I love that it reminds me not to take myself too seriously.  On the other hand, I sometimes find the content of the show to be raunchy to the point that I am offended.  As a result, I find my morality in limbo.  Is this funny or is it offensive?  How can I laugh at something while feeling affronted by it?  Hopefully this example makes sense.

I’m not sure what type of focus group I would be welcome in.  Thus I describe my demographic as enigmatic.

Anyone feel the same?  How do we reconcile this?  Anybody out there?